Microshaft Internet Exploder

I really think you should use

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Mozilla Wins! fatality?

Piss on MSIE!
Piss onMSIE

Turn off that godawful sound!

Browser of Death

Quoted from Microshaft:

Microshaft has been made aware of a security breach in Internet Exploder 3.0 and 3.01 for Windows 95 and NT 4.0 that was reported on an obscure Web site, somewhere out there amidst the chaos. With help from one of our employee's kids, we have isolated the issue and have a solution that is currently in testing. At this time Microshaft expects to post yet another patch that users can download to protect their computers from everybody except us within 48 hours.

We have not had any customer reports of this problem to date, as all IE users' email software was deleted through malicious exploitation of this bug.

Answers to Questions You May Or May Not Have:

Who is affected by this issue?
Lusers running Internet Exploder 3.0 and 3.01 for Windows 95 and Windows NT. It does not affect lusers of Internet Exploder 3.0 / 3.0a for Windows 3.1 or Internet Exploder for Macintosh 2.1 / 3.0 / 3.0a.

How serious is it, and how can lusers know if they're at risk?
Any lusers running Internet Exploder 3.0 or 3.01 for Windows 95 and Windows NT are definitely at risk. Webmasters would have to purposely create malicious code in order to enable the threat. However, since everyone on the Internet worships Microshaft, this just won't happen.

What is Microshaft doing to ensure this type of problem doesn’t occur in the future?
Microshaft makes it a policy to insufficiently test its software before posting code to the Internet. That being said, there will be occasions when even Bill's machine crashes. The safety of our customers is our number four priority (after 1. making tons o' money, 2. glorifying Bill, and 3. putting other companies out of business), and we will work from 10:30 to 11 A.M. each Thursday to find a solution.

the UK Anti-MS site
MSIE Sucks? You Bet!

I received a great letter from a "fan". Take a look, I'm sure you'll be amused.

If you're looking for the Hamlet monologue from Apple that was here, it has moved.

"Have no confusion in your head: Job one for us right now is the Internet and defeating Netscape ... They're simply our smartest competitor."
- Steve Ballmer, Microsoft executive vice president
MSIE: Free, Better? Junk!

MSIE: Download and install Junk, Free!

Why Boycott MS? Bill and Co.'s immoral, hopefully illegal business practices and unstable, bloated products have somehow (through lies?) come to dominate the PC market. One of the few exceptions to this is the Internet Exploder. Netscape maintains the lead in the web browser market through sheer persistence (and a better product) as Microshaft does their damnedest to destroy them.

Fast Fact:
Microshaft has had more people working solely on the Internet Exploder than Netscape has total employees.

Internet Exploder users CANNOT read this paragraph!
Well, they might be able to read it, but it will take a while. This entire paragraph is set inside a <marquee> tag. This tag is non-standard and is only supported by Microshaft's Internet Exploder. Currently, MSIE users are seeing a small dark grey block on their screen. Inside this dark grey block is the marqueeing text of this paragraph...in black text. Scrolling backwards (left to right, rather than right to left like a proper marquee). At the speed of a turtle stuck in rubber cement. Here's the code to make this nasty marquee:
<marquee bgcolor=#444444 width=20% loop=infinite scrollamount=1 scrolldelay=140 direction=right>
The bgcolor is the background color for the marquee. width sets the width. I have mine set to 20% of the browser width. loop sets the number of times the marquee will repeat. The number of pixels scrolled between each time period scrolldelay is set by scrollamount. Finally, direction makes the marquee scroll either left or right.

Another neat thing about marquee is that words in a marquee cannot be links. If you wish to make a link that only users NOT using MSIE can follow, simply put it in a marquee. Here is an example:

For those of you actually using MSIE, click here and whine on home.
I know you want to get shafted today.
For those of you actually using MSIE, click here and whine on home.<br>
<marquee width=85% loop=infinite scrollamount=5 scrolldelay=20 direction=left>
I know you want to get <a target="_self" href="http://www.msn.com/">shafted</a> today.

Burn MicroSoft Products! MCIE!

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This page is a work of parody. Windows and Internet Explorer are trademarks of Microsoft Corp.

08 April 1996 / 24 April 1998

Gregory Sutter, gsutter@pobox.com

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